Eraserhead

What can you say about Eraserhead? It's like a long, vivid and strange dream. It has long periods of almost nothing, yet you can't not look at the nothing. It's a very powerful piece.

Henry Spencer is our main man and the film is his story, his very odd story. He visits his girlfriends parents for dinner and shit gets weird. I've known guys break up with a girl because she doesn't like his favourite band, yet Henry sticks with her after a her parents serve up a chicken for dinner that although it appears dead and cooked, starts to move and then emits black liquid from its chest. Maybe not a dumping offense?
Her mother is insane and switches her mood more often a traffic light changes colour. Her dad meanwhile, acts like nothing is wrong as his wife is going mental 5ft away from him. Things go from bad to worse for Henry as his girlfriends mum tries to kiss him. Mary (the girlfriend) has just given birth prematurely and her mother informs Henry he will marry Mary, with little say in the matter.

The baby rears its ugly head. That is the most literal use of that term, ever. This is the baby Daphne and Celeste were singing about. Henry does a pretty shit job of looking after it and it gets ill. Then a girl with big cheeks sings a song and Henry's head comes off and turns into the babies head.
The babies guts fall out and Henry stabs it with scissors. The baby mutates and grows even more bizzare than before. We end with Henry being embraced by the singing girl and everything ends.

I've missed out a lot of scenes as i don't see the point of ruining everything for people that have never seen it. If you have a night free, turn off the light and watch Eraserhead. The first time i saw it, i stared at the TV screen a good few minutes after the film had finished, just in a trance over what the hell i just watched. The whole film is one long, strange, metaphorical ride. I don't think you can see it without being entranced. Love it or hate it, you'll be sucked in.

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Greetings, my friend. As it's almost Halloween, i thought i'd do a quick review of one of my favourite films of all time, Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Plan 9 is well known as one of the worst movies ever made, and with good reason, it's awful. The acting is terrible, props fall over in the background, the dialogue is painful to hear and is sadly the last film of the legend, Bela Lugosi. Lugosi died before Plan 9 was even thought of, but Ed Wood had footage of Bela, doing very little may i add, that he added in to Plan 9 to have a star. None of the scenes with Lugosi in make sense as they are just shoved in for no real reason and don't connect the rest of the plot. Further scenes were shot with a stand in for Bela. The stand in was not an actor and was much taller than Lugosi, adding more ridiculousness to matters.

Scenes change from day to night, as they were shot at different times in the day or some outdoors and some in a studio, yet are supposed to be one continuous scene. Actors stumble and the shot is left in, 'tombstones' fall over and are obviously fake and of course, we have Criswell.

Criswell is amazing. Really amazing. Behold, his words of wisdom....

"Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember, my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future. You are interested in the unknown, the mysterious, the unexplainable. That is why you are here. And now, for the first time, we are bringing to you the full story of what happened on that fateful day. We are giving you all the evidence, based only on the secret testimonies of the miserable souls who survived this terrifying ordeal. The incidents, the places, my friend, we cannot keep this a secret any longer. Let us punish the guilty. Let us reward the innocent. My friend, can your heart stand the shocking facts about grave robbers from outer space?"

None of that makes a shit of sense. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives? No shit!  With that said, it's so incredible. I want it to be my wedding vows.

So this Halloween, if you want the ultimate in chessy horror, choose Plan 9 From Outer Space.

Insidious

I know this is a recent film, but i wanted to write about it anyway, so shut up.
It was released in theaters on April 1st, 2011. It was made by the same guys who did Saw and Paranormal Activity. I thought the first Saw movie was pretty decent, the rest of the Saw films are awful. I hate Paranormal Activity, terrible film. So the two combined made a film that started off decent and then turned terrible.


Everything starts off ok. Despite the biggest cliche in horror of a family moving to a new house, the build up is pretty creepy. One of the kids, Dalton, falls in to a coma after falling off a ladder. It is suggested he fell due to seeing a demon, i think he fell because he realised his name would get the shit kicked out of him at school.

Some months later, Dalton is taken home, still in a coma. He has his bedroom set up with all the necessary equipment and his parents stand around his room in a melancholy fashion. Shit starts going down. The mother starts to see figures and people in the house. These are the best scenes in the film and really are unnerving. Then they decide to explain the whole story of why the demons are stalking coma boy and ruins the movie.

All the mystery and spooky aspects of the film are taken out of it because every last detail is explained and it becomes incredibly predictable because of it. I could see what was going to happen about 30 or 40 minutes from the end. On top of that, it was a complete rip off of Poltergeist. The only good moment of the second half of the film is an old woman having an orgasm in a gas mask. Something like that anyway. It was unintentionally hilarious.

In summary, the first half was not too bad with some pretty creepy moments, the second half went so far downhill that the first half needed binoculars to see it.

Oh, and i know it's been said before, but....

Insidious demon looks like Darth Maul from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.

The Evil Dead

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. He really stepped up his game though when he created Bruce Campbell.
For anybody who has never heard of Bruce Campbell, it is my job to inform you that up to this point, your life has been a complete waste of time. Bruce Campbell has a chin that can be seen from all points of the globe at all times. Bruce Campbell has balls that can crush buildings. Bruce Campbell is king, baby. He is also the actor who plays Ash in the Evil Dead movies.

The Evil Dead is a 1981 horror film, written and directed by Sam Raimi. Raimi now is better known for making the Spiderman films, but once upon a time, Raimi was a horror god.
The Evil Dead is a story of five young students who go to an isolated cabin in the woods. They find a tape and play it, this tape being played brings about evil spirits. I bet that wasn't in the tourist brochure.

The film was banned in a few countries and attracted a lot of controversy and became one of the better known "video nasties" in the UK during the 80's. For you none UK folk, Mary Whitehouse decided that because she wasn't getting laid, that nobody else should have any fun either and went on a public cruciade against violent films and rock music. But now she's dead and we have uncut Evil Dead on dvd. We won.

Anyway, The Evil Dead is just an unmatched, awesome mix of gore, horror and comedy. Dark, black comedy. Trees come to life and rape people. We get pencils stuck in ankles. Bitches get chopped up with axes and the decapitated limbs flail about on the floor. Linda, the girlfriend of Ash, reveals what a psycho bitch she is, but i suppose it was Better that Ash found that out before they got married or something. You know what Ash does with annoying girlfriends? He beheads them with a shovel. Oh yeah.

The Evil Dead is a cult classic and with good reason, it's awesome. It's really in your face with the gore and violence but the underlying humour stops it from being too gruesome and makes the whole thing thoroughly entertaining. Although if you are not a horror fan and get scared easily, you might regret thinking "oooo. Sam Raimi. He did Spiderman didn't he? I love those family friendly action hollywood blockbusters. This should be fun" 

It's campy, it's funny, it's grotesque. It's the Evil Dead and i love it.

Suspiria

Suspiria is a 1977 film by Dario Argento. It follows the story of an American ballet student named Suzy who attends a German dance school. She later discovers that the school is ran by witches.
We kick things off with Suzy arriving in Germany and catching a taxi at the airport. Right off the bat we see some really great lighting and colour. Suzy sits in the back seat, with the rain outside and a use of red and purple lighting, we get a fantastic look with the rain bouncing off the back window.
She arrives at the school but isn't allowed in. She does get to meet another student named Pat. Pat isn't in the best mood and runs out the door while shouting and screaming. I have to say that the acting here was a bit bad. She looked like she was running in a Penelope Pitstop cartoon.

Pat goes to a friends house and is attacked while in the bathroom. A hand crashes through the window after a good build up (it did succeed in making me jump) and pulls Pats face against the glass. Pat isn't having a good day but to make it worse, she then gets stabbed, has a noose wrapped round her and hanged after crashing through a large stained-glass ceiling. Her friend tries to help and she gets killed by the falling glass. The whole scene was well shot and again the lighting and colour looks brilliant, the stained-glass ceiling especially so. The blood too is a powerful shade of red.

Now they are out of the way, Suzy goes back to the school the next day and is allowed in this time. She meets teachers and students and strikes upon a conversation about the dead student from the night before. She overhears a conversation about Pat's murder and sticks her nose in about how she saw a student running away last night.
Suzy meets some other girls in the locker room. This scene is so full of sexual tension that if anymore was stuffed in to it, it would explode all over the room and leave a big sticky mess like an overly horny 14 year old boy watching this film. Infact, shorty after, Suzy meets a boy and there is supposed to be sexual tension between them but it's nowhere near as strong as with the other girls. You would have been mistaken for thinking you were watching some 70's soft porn if you hadn't been otherwise informed.

The next day Suzy meets the cook and an odd looking child. Nothing is said, just stares exchanged. Suzy then later collapses during a lesson, she wakes up in a dorm bed and is injected against her will. The doctor also tells her to drink a glass of wine a day for her blood. I want this guy as my GP.

As the girls all prepare for dinner, maggots drop from the ceiling. Maggots in hair and mouths. Maggots everywhere. The maggots look very realistic and the scene does have a very slimy and creepy feel to it. Everybody has to sleep in the practice hall while the maggots are cleaned up. We get some great lighting here. The staff sleep in another section from the students, cut off by what looks like hospital changing curtains. Shadows of the teachers are cast upon the curtains in a very stylistic, creeping manner.

I've come this far and i've mentioned the lights and colours a few times but i haven't talked about the music. The music is outstanding. The film would be a 6 or 7 out of 10, but the music takes it to a 9 or 10. It's beautifully spooky and hypnotic. It pushes you into a world of uncertainty and harsh tranquility. It may be the best soundtrack to any horror movie.

Daniel, the blind pianist is ordered to leave by Miss Tanner. His guide dog attacked the odd boy and Tanner is not pleased. On his way home we see some more fantastic light work as moving shadows cross the city walls around him. His dog turns on him and rips his throat out, leaving a stream of blood behind.

As the film comes to its climax, Suzy finds the witches hideout and finds them planning to kill her. Distraught, she finds her way in to another room and mistakenly awakens the head witch.
Sarah, the friend from earlier, what happened to her i hear you cry! Well she's dead. She fell in to a room of razor wire and had her throat slit. Do not fear, she is back, as undead Sarah. Before Sarah gets a chance to Kill Suzy, Suzy kills the head witch. This starts a chain reaction and the building begins to collapse. Suzy runs and escapes the school, leaving the witches to perish.

That is Suspiria. It's striking, eerie, suspenseful and bold. It leaves you with an indescribable aftertaste because you aren't sure how what seems like a slow build up managed to beat you so mercilessly. The music is perfect and the colour and lighting are like nothing else. A few moments of bad acting knock a point off, but besides that, it's a masterpiece.

The Shining

I've been thinking of writing about The Shining for a while now and seemed to put it off, the reason being that no amount of words can do justice to just how good The Shining is. It's a film you just have to see to fully understand how incredible it is. It's no secret that Stanley Kubrick is a brilliant director and The Shining is no exception to this but the true reason why to me, this film is so outstanding is Jack Nicholson.

Jack Nicholson is one of my very favourite actors. You could sell me on any film by telling me that he is in it. The Shining very well may be his greatest moment. His performance in this film is cemented in history, so much so infact that to a lot of people "Heeeere's Johnny!" is a quote from The Shining and poor old Johnny Carson doesn't get a look in. Fun Fact: The line was improvised by Nicholson.

The outline of the plot for those who have not seen it (if you haven't, you've never lived) is Jack takes a job as a caretaker for a hotel that closes over winter as so much snow blocks off access to the hotel. He and his family move in to the empty hotel for the winter. The hotel has a history of murders and the previous caretaker went insane and killed his family, which for some reason doesn't bother Jack at all. Danny, the young son, has a form of ESP called The Shining.
Jack wants to write a novel which doesn't go very well, mainly due to him going mad i suppose.
As time goes on Jack becomes increasingly irate and his wife becomes increasingly scared, wanting to take her son out of the hotel.
We also have a chef called Dick who too has The Shining, he able to talk to Danny through this and can feel he is in danger. This also doesn't end very well, but i won't spoil it.

The Shining has many iconic scenes including an elevator that opens to unleash a sea of blood, the twins in the hallway who one moment are alive and the next dead and soaked in blood and Danny on his cycle. These scenes and many more are iconic for a reason, they're so powerful. The music that accompanies the film is perfect, it creates an unsettling atmosphere from the very start of the film. Nothing has even happened and the music takes you to a place of fear, hanging over the viewer like a pendulum that can't be seen, yet you know it's there.
The use of children, while a cliche, works very well. The twin girls in matching clothing, always silent but always lingering leave a lasting impression from the moment you first see them with no explanation of who they are and without them doing anything.

The film also makes use of some great camera work. Danny rides about the hotel on his cycle and the camera follows him from behind, turning every corner with him. Is the camera something following him or is the camera what Danny can see ahead of him, the viewer waiting for the something to be stood waiting around every corner that we turn with Danny. I also enjoy the sound created by the cycle. No music is heard, just the sound of the bike and as he rides across wooden flooring, a loud bassy sound is heard, almost like a roar of a demon. As he runs over carpet it stops. He changes the two surfaces often creating a distinct and eerie noise.

Another of my favourite camera angles is Jack pressing the top of his head against a door with the camera under him. We get to see his face. Bright red with sweat running down it and his hair in a mess. He looks genuinely crazed.

I really can't begin to express how good The Shining is. Every twist and every scare is superb. The build of terror from the second it starts up to the second it ends is a ride of horror and delight. It should be a film everyone has to see before they die. If you have never seen it, i won't spoil it, but take some time out to see one of the best films of all time. Remember, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

After the 30's golden age, my favourite era of horror is the 70's. The 1970's revolutionised horror. It took horror away from vampires and mythical creatures and towards real life nightmares. Serial killers, maniacs with knifes and an unhinged mind. One of the very best of these is leather face from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

The title alone is superb. As a child i saw the name and my mind ran wild with thoughts of the horror that would be contained within that film. Made in 1974, nothing before it had really been so full on with terror. Tobe Hooper said he based it on real life serial killer Ed Gein. Gein would wear masks and create furniture out of human skin. With the birth of TV in every home and the news, people for the first time on a mass scale learnt of people like Gein and brought the terror of reality in to the public.

Hooper at the time was unknown and the film was independent, made with a low budget. This helped create the true feeling of reality. The film takes you in and gives you a feeling that this isn't a hollywood film with big stars that you know isn't real. None of the actors were known and the camera work at times makes it feel like a snuff film of sorts. Even without over the top blood (something i feel ruins modern day horror) it still shows horrific violence. My personal favorite scene is when we first see leatherface. Kirk wanders in to a house trying to find gas, from nowhere leatherface emurges and bludgeons him in the head. Instead of falling down dead with no movement, we see a real life like death. Kirk spasms on the floor with blood on his head. It really looks brutal. Leatherface quickly takes kirk in to his abattoir in panic. A simple man who doesn't understand where this man has come from. We also get a butcher hook impaling and a chainsaw to the chest throughout the ride of this movie.

The irony surrounding the film is the controversy it raised due to the violence within it. No doubt it was shocking for the time and not many films had such an all out rage to it. The irony is that the movie was Hoopers response to the violence of the real world, everything on the news such as riots and the Vietnam War. Hooper wanted to comment on the "lack of sentimentality and the brutality of things" being fed to the american public. The film was banned in many countries for its portrayal of pretend violence but no attempt has ever been made to ban the evening news.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is a great film. It's the perfect balance between violence and suspense. It leaves you with an empty feeling of darkness. Even the girl that gets away is soaked in blood and she cannot forget the horror she saw and was subjected to and will take it with her for the rest of her life.